"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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