I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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