Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
