Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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