yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
