I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
