if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
