Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
