brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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