I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
