Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
