Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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