you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i now understand why vodka
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
