Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
