I don't think brook has ever known best
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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