So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
