Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
