I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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