she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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