Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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