You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
