Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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