just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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