You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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