filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
