u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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