she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
