it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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