HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
