My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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