Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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