There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
