i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
