I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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