I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
God, I missed his penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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