I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
