His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
