I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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