I wish I could teleport
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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