literally had 100 drinks last night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
