you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
