i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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