Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
