he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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