Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
