I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
