I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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