We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
