i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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