i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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