my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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