: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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