yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
