i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
