grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
